September 1, 2013

Thank You. Merci. Gracias. You Get It.

Just say thank you. Two words when used together are often very powerful.  These are the only two words you need to use sometimes. When someone does something nice for you say thank you, rather than objecting.  I was with two friends this weekend and one is in a financial situation that makes me appreciate my steady job and uncomplicated life.  Right or wrong, because I have an income and she is unemployed and supporting her family as best she can, I refuse any gestures involving money out of her pocket. It bothers her that I do this and she snuck in and paid for my smoothie at a take out place on Saturday afternoon.  I thanked her for her kindness and generosity; however, in my mind I wished she had saved the $5 to do something for herself.

I have rules with my friends. In spite of good intention, I try to avoid allowing my friends with financial constraints from spending money on me, even a cup of coffee.  I have the flexibility of spending money in my day to day life and always prefer a person save their dollars until easier days come around or apply elsewhere i.e. groceries or other needs.  Another friend of mine was unemployed a few years ago and working hard to find a new job.  During this time, she was dining home and was feeling bummed out because she needed to restrict her spending.  I insisted on buying her sushi one night to get her out of the house; plus I wanted company for dinner as sushi is always better at the restaurant! She was uncomfortable with this because she is an independent woman and likes to pay her own way; however, she relented because I negotiated with her.  I made a deal.  I offered to let her pay for dinner once she had income feeding her bank account if she would let me make dinner my treat.  I held up my end of the bargain, about a year later, when she was finally employed again.  We met for dinner and she reminded me of the deal we made when the check came.  It made her happy to treat me to dinner after all that time and I thanked her.

I often think about acts of kindness and what we can do for other people.  Sometimes acts of kindness are well served when they help strangers.  Sometimes acts of kindness are well served when friends are in need.  When an opportunity to help someone presents itself, it is hard for me to say no.  To clarify, I am hardly a bleeding heart and truthfully am not the person who gives money to homeless people sitting on the street.  I will, however, donate food to a food pantry or clothes to charity, for example, to ensure my contribution is put to good use.  When I have an opportunity to help, it tugs on me unless I take action.  It may be odd but true.  It takes so little effort to do something for someone else and if the response is ‘oh that is too much’ or something along those lines, I usually say, “just say thank you and do something for someone else when you can.”   Acts of kindness can be money free as well.  A neighbor was recently talking about a business idea he has been considering.  I told him I had been reading on the very topic he was interested in and shared blogs and articles I  had read to provide him with additional resources and possible leads.   Little or big, time consuming or easy to do, identifying an opportunity to help is rewarding and an opportunity to help can inspire the recipient or another person to pay it forward.   It goes along with the what goes around, comes around idea as well. Give kindness and you will probably see welcome and/or unexpected kindness in return. Help and when you need help, it will be returned.  Obvious statements I suppose yet on my mind for the last few days.  Thank you for reading this blog.

 

 

 

Filed Under: blog, compassion, empathy, Life Lessons, thepageofaquarius Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment
August 30, 2013

Change This, Change That

There are a bazillion things you can do with your life.  There are a bazillion ways you can change things in your life. How do you decide what and when and how?  Change can be difficult without a doubt.  Changing habits, changing patterns, changing beliefs, changing lifestyle, changing your shoes, changing anything you can think of has its challenges.  Some changes are more challenging than others.  Maybe change can be fun, maybe it can be tedious or maybe it is just a necessity.

There are people who know me who will say I am a creature of habit; though I guess I do have a hard time picking things about me that are “creature of habit-isms.” Since the age of 10, I have always appreciated consistency and stability so I guess that is a creature of habit-ism.  It stems from moving.  My family uprooted to a new state when I was 10 and it changed my life so much that I think from then on, I have been inclined towards predictable.  Moving away from what was familiar to an entirely new place was a big deal for me.  I was unable to express how I felt or what was bothering me so my Mom had to deal with a lot of 10 year drama when I started at my new school. Kids in my class were picking on me and teasing me which was opposite of my experience in my prior school. I knew everyone, we all went to elementary school together, I was hardly aware of my height or my braces – till I went to a new school, in a new state and something changed!  When I think about that time in my life, I find myself saying, “Ohhhh maybe that is why I like a home base” or “Ohhhh may that is why it would take a lot to get me to move far away”.  I tend to reflect on life experiences that have given me reason to pause based on circumstance or situation.  I wonder what my perspective would have been if I felt like moving was an adventure as a 10 year old?  Adjusting was something that eluded my vocabulary upon setting foot in New Jersey.  I never knew then to change my perspective about the circumstances at hand.  Change can be forced, change can be weird, change can be tough, change can just happen whether you are ready for it or are asleep at the wheel.

On a lighter note, change with awareness can be quite good.  For the last two weeks, I have been on a perimeter of the grocery store breakfast, lunch, dinner plan with a daily stop at Starbucks (need latte) and the occasional non-perimeter snack.  Call me Captain Obvious but this little change has really made me feel better when I workout and after I workout and has given me more energy in the morning.  I have been researching new things to eat and to prepare and am amazed how much healthier my eating habits have been. Less sugar and less dairy have really given me more energy when I workout.  Hardly rocket science but revealing to me since I considered myself a healthy eater (with a penchant for cookies…and the cake pops at Starbucks). Changing what you eat and how much water you drink, really does a body good. Making a change and seeing positive results is motivation to continue down a path and to look for other things to tweak and modify.  When it comes to how you eat or what you drink, one has to want to change otherwise it feels like a chore.  I remember when my Dad had a heart attack, the next day, while in the ICU, he said, “Well I guess I can never eat escargot again.”  As if he ever eats escargot?  However, he was in a hospital bed thinking of all the things he could suddenly no longer eat because he had a rude awakening into the life of a cardiac patient.  The escargot statement did teach me it is better to make changes on my own volition rather than being forced in another direction by circumstances I could have controlled or influenced.  

Is it possible to feel every change as a good change?  I am unsure, however, it possible that whatever happens, the outcome may always ended up better than expected.  In the case of my grocery store perimeter meals, at first it was quite torturous.  I really felt like it was torture to change my ways and avoid my favorite yogurt and sweet treats for two weeks (Chobani Flips are like dessert yet yogurt, do try). After a full week suddenly the discomfort dissipated and I also found some healthier alternatives to my standard sweet treats.  I survived the change of habit!  I am hardly strict with myself (as noted by the corn bread I ate tonight) as everyone needs a treat here and there!  However, I am liking the change.

 

Filed Under: balancing act, Believe, experience, Life Lessons, motivation, perspective, success, thepageofaquarius Tagged With: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
August 7, 2013

How Did I Get Here!?

I have a friend from the gym, Melissa, who has been skipping out on our weekly class lately.  I wondered where she had been and her responses to text messages were rather vague.  I offered to listen if she needed anything and she never responded.  As I do when I know something is awry, I leave people be and till they are ready to surface.  Melissa eventually told me she left her place of employment, a  public relations company she joined as a start up.  As a result of a series of events, she left her 10 years of hard work and her title of vice president behind. Melissa came to class tonight (hooray!) and when she began to tell me what happened and how sad she was about the turn of events. My initial feedback was, “Wow it sounds like a really bad break up.”  She looked at with me with surprised, huge eyes and said, “It feels like a bad divorce!  People I thought were my friends turned against me and I did nothing wrong.  I chose to leave my job and now my friends from work will not speak to me.”  Though my work related experiences have been different, I could empathize with how Melissa must be feeling.  She dedicated 10 years and countless hours to the success of her company and developed friendships with people who ended up being completely unreliable in a time of turbulence.  Without a doubt, when the people you care about and the people you trust let you down or turn their backs on you, it is hurtful.   The only thing I could say was she could count on me to be her friend and if someone turned their back on her, that person was likely never truly a loyal friend.  I suppose I may sound like Pollyanna, however, I have had enough situations in life when my friends have shown me they will be there for me regardless of what is happening in their lives and mine.  It reminded me how important it is to pick your team or to pick your “people” wisely.  Who has your back?

Melissa’s situation also reminded me leaving one’s comfort zone can be quite uncomfortable and disconcerting.  For Melissa, she never expected to leave her job this way and certainly never expected to leave her job at this point in her life.  One day she was doing something she enjoyed, weird politics began to surface and the next thing she knew she was sitting home wondering what happened to everything she built from a career standpoint.  It is as if she was sailing on a ship with her friends, dumped overboard and as the ship sailed away, no one looked back or bothered to throw her a life preserver.  She was left her floating in the middle of the ocean, alone.    As I spoke Melissa tonight, I realized she had been stunned by the change that is upon her.  She is slowly beginning to recuperate from the disappointment and the sadness she is feeling;  however, when I asked her what she has been doing, she informed me very little.   I wanted  to ask Melissa what she would like to do next.  I could see she is still treading water and needs time before she is ready to decide if she will swim, call for help, or ride a wave.  I told her about my friend Erin, whom Melissa knows from the gym, and Erin’s very similar circumstances at her last job.  Erin encountered some messy politics and after many uncomfortable situations made a difficult choice to submit her resignation from the corporation at which she worked for many years.  Melissa was really surprised by this news as she had no idea Erin was in the same line of work (coincidentally) and had been through a similar experience.  I informed her Erin ended up doing freelance work and by way of her freelance opportunities secured a new full time job.  We discussed a little more and I could see the wheels turning in Melissa’s head.  Why did I share someone else’s story? 1. I know Erin would be ok with it and I am hoping all 3 of us can get together soon so Melissa can see people she knows can empathize and relate to her situation. 2. I wanted to give an indirect suggestion to what direction Melissa could take. 3. I believe it helps to know you are not alone when you are feeling sad or lousy or confused about a situation in life.  When you leave your comfort zone and feel you are treading water, by talking to others, most likely you will find someone will swim over and offer you a life raft to let you know you are not alone.  Everyone needs a dose of compassion and empathy now and then whether they realize it or not.  Sometimes when you least a expect it, people you know can be more supportive and helpful than you previously considered.

Life just takes turns and open and closes door – sometimes you are ready and you are left wondering what to do next.    It takes time to figure things out when you are thrown totally off course unexpectedly.  I like to think once a person gets their bearings after being thrown into the ocean of life, new ideas come about, confidence evolves and something positive can come from what was an unpleasant experience.    I will be interested to see what Melissa does next.  What has she learned that she can carry forward and what can she leave behind?  Every experience teaches us something, if we chose to identify the lesson.  Whether we leave our comfort zone or get abruptly shoved out of our comfort zone, things always manage to work out, if up to the task.  Ask for help, build your plan, talk to people, do whatever works for you.  After the waters become clearer, I would guess most people eventually look back and say, “I never imagined I would have ended up here.”

Filed Under: business, compassion, corporate america, empathy, experience, healing, perspective, thepageofaquarius, therapeutic, Words Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
August 5, 2013

Enjoying the Uncomfortable Zone

Overcoming fear is an option at every stage of life.  We are born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises.  Though I lack any scientific or medical training, I would guess people develop fears based on experiences, self talk and perhaps outside influences over the course of a lifetime.  There may be times when fear seems irrational or illogical and times when it makes perfect sense.  There is always a choice to recognize a fear, understand it and work to overcome it; or let it follow you around in life.  I must say there are some fears that come out of the blue and sometimes they are hard to understand.

What started me thinking of fear was a TED Talk I listened to on NPR TED Radio Hour recently.  Roz Savage was the featured speaker, a management consultant turned ocean rower.  As the story was introduced by the announcer, I was compelled to listen because I could relate to the introduction and kept saying, “Whoa how did she do that?”  Of course, as I asked myself that question, the answers were revealed as the talk unfolded.  

As I listened, I wondered how many people can relate to how Roz Savage ended up as an ocean rower; how she ended up doing something outside the original “plan”.  How many of us follow a path because we feel we should or it is what we are supposed to do.  Rules created based on a story we make up about ourselves.  Ms. Savage took a management consulting career path because that was the thing to do.  It made her question what she was doing with her life and her purpose in life.  She wanted adventure and questioned whether she fit the “mold” of an adventurer.  She sat down and wrote two versions of her own obituary – the now and the what if versions – and realized the life she was heading for was not what she wanted.  She wanted a life she could be proud of and knew she needed to change her course.  She realized she needed to create her happiness rather than wait for it to come to her.  Ms. Savage ultimately broke out of her comfort zone and took a massive leap of faith and started rowing.  Her story about how to overcome fear is fascinating to me.  What DO you do when you are alone, in a boat, in the middle of the ocean?  You figure it out with what you have at hand.

We all end up standing in the middle of the proverbial ocean at some point in our lives and we have choices to overcome fear or to let it take over.  When you are questioning things, when do you take a leap of faith outside your comfort zone?  Taking a leap of faith can be intimidating so how do you work through your fear or discomfort to get what you want?  What tools do you use to move forward? Who do you reach out to if you need help?  Roz Savage was primarily alone, however, when her water purifier broke during a trip on the Pacific, she was able to “phone a friend” using her satellite phone.  She found fellow ocean travelers to meet up with to trade fresh water for food.  I suppose taking a leap of faith means we have to believe we have what we need and if we need something else, we will find it or it will be brought to us.  I suppose once you take the initial leap of faith, you learn how to solve problems in new ways rather than letting fear hold you back.  A leap of faith becomes a walk in the park with obstacles and challenges along the way.

What are you questioning today?  Are you wondering about your purpose?  Are you standing in the middle of the ocean?  Roz Savage was in a position like mine at some point and her story reminded me I can do something different and as can most of us.   I know I am trying to approach things differently. When I think I have done the right things, I can always reflect on things I can do better next time. I would say leaving your comfort zone is extremely uncomfortable; but once you have left it, you realize you had nothing to fear.

Filed Under: blog, direction, experience, Go with the flow, Inspiration, Life Lessons, passion, Purpose, thepageofaquarius Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
July 22, 2013

Sparking Inspiration

Inspiration is a funny thing.  It comes in different ways, at different times.  Understanding what inspires a person can be very informative and very telling when talking about business, ideas or plans. I often find myself asking, ‘What is your motivation behind (fill in the blank)” and perhaps a better question would be, “What inspires you to (fill in the blank).”  The response usually leads to an interesting conversation or more questions whether I am talking to a stranger, a friend or my dog’s veterinarian.

My inspiration to write usually ramps up when I feel unsettled. This is the norm when I end up posting something on this blog.  I get this jittery feeling as if I had too much coffee and when that sets in, my brains starts working and I open a blank page and start typing.  A jittery feeling is my motivation to write in some cases – sounds odd.  It is a word or an experience that takes me down a path of different thoughts and ideas to inspire me.  It is some sort of cause and effect that I will have to ponder at another time.  I suppose inspiration can be multifaceted and when it strikes you, you can either go with it or ignore it.  I find when I ignore things they eventually surface again and demand attention. When inspiration strikes and timing is conducive, sometimes it is better focus and go with the flow.  Last year, I was inspired to start painting again to open my creative side.  I ended up painting birthday cards and learned to work with paints again.

Inspiration also makes me think of time.  When struck by inspiration, the final outcome or the end result may take a few minutes, days or months.  There are times of inspiration with a speedy outcome such as finding a job posting online and submitting your resume.  When inspired to change direction in your career it may be a process or you may need to employ patience to get to the starting point you desire.  I call out a starting point because some inspiration spurns change requiring a foundation to get to arrive at your beginning.  A doctor needs to complete the educational requirements to start a career healing others. I needed paints and a tablet of paper for my creative inspiration.  What foundation do you need in place act on your inspiration? A foundation may be knowledge, training, experience, collateral, funding or self confidence to get started.  

How does one find inspiration?  Hard to say what works for any one person, though sometimes it is by pure chance.  It may come upon you while you are doing something you enjoy.  It may strike when you are watching TV or reading or eating a slice of pizza.  I tend to think inspiration comes when one is open to receive or willing to listen to a gut or intuitive feeling.  Inspiration may also come if you go looking for it.  What if you have trouble finding a source of inspiration?  I generally find talking others can help, like asking for directions; though the best sources are often the people with the best intuition in my experience (see my post about choosing your team here).  In fact, in situations when friends consult me, I just follow my intuition to help or assist in whatever way I can.  It tends to end up in an interesting conversation to spark at least a moment of inspiration to get things moving.  Today I sent an email to a friend with my point of view on an aspect of the launch of her new business and it somehow lead me to this post.  Perhaps I found my inspiration in that email and she just got spammed by me.

 

 

 

Filed Under: brain, business, clarity, Connection, direction, experience, Go with the flow, Inspiration, intuition, intuitive, Listening, motivation, thepageofaquarius Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
July 17, 2013

Choose Your Team Wisely

If you were starting a new business, who would you discuss it with?  I believe anyone embarking on a new venture needs moral support and someone to help them along when they lose faith in the opportunity at hand; even more so when a person feels like they have lost it for feeling so passionate or believing in something that requires planning and effort.  The belief in the unknown can be intimidating while passion is very motivating.  It is such a human thing to believe you are on the right path  and a day later feel as those you have lost your mind or become enveloped in self doubt.

Who believes in you?  My question is intended to generate constructive thought and “no one” is an unacceptable answer.  Who in your life stands by you and believes in who you are and what you can do?  When I believe in someone I can believe in their ideas and what they wish to accomplish.  I have no explanation as to why those two things go hand in hand.  If I believe in you, I can support you and if it appears you need to rethink something I will share that with you.  I can think of many friends who have business ideas either in progress, on the radar, or in their heads.  I find it most interesting how contagious a person’s passion can be for something they believe in.  Passion is contagious and it has taught me that every person needs their own cheerleader or coach or a phantom teammate.  Someone who will listen to ideas or provide encouragement or help one see the forest from the trees.  A silent teammate is what it feels like to me.  I am on your team while you lead the way and see things through. I am on the bench waiting to help out when called upon.  I definitely play this role for some of my friends.  One of my friends is working on two different business plans.  A rodeo comes to mind when I think of all she is trying to do.  She has a lot coming at her.  When she falls off the bucking bronco someone knocks her off the horse, I run into the ring, put her back on the horse and tell her to hold tight because she is doing exactly what she is meant to do.  I even pitch in sometimes with her business plan.  Now and then I get a message for help with ideas so I run back into the ring and I jump on the horse to help her redirect for a just a short while and run back to my seat on the bench. I have no idea why I am using a rodeo metaphor.  This person neither rides horses nor lives anywhere near a rodeo but it just seemed apropos as I wrote.

I feel anyone starting a venture of any kind needs someone to help keep them on track.  Sometimes we are so deep in the weeds, a reality check is helpful as the human mind can take us to negative places and create stress, worry and discouraging thoughts. The skeptics can weigh and derail goals and ideas which can be discouraging – that is why you need to look to your team.  Everyone needs a team to surround them whether it is a team of 1 or many, it is an important part of any venture.  We all need someone to help us to get back in the saddle and remove the blinders of doubt to refocus on what needs to be accomplished to reach goals and dreams.  Nothing is every easy and the people you choose as your team can make a world of difference when it comes to encouragement and moral support.

Filed Under: Believe, blog, business, clarity, consciously aware, direction, experience, Go with the flow, Inspiration, intuition, lucrative business opportunity, motivation, passion, perspective, successful venture, thepageofaquarius, time Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
July 9, 2013

That’s Kinky

In line with a previous post, I started this blog without worrying too much about the details.  Start writing and figure out it as I go was my process.  Throwing the spaghetti up on the wall – it works!   I guess now I can start working out the kinks!

There are readers (which is humbling) and some have shared feedback, which is greatly appreciated. One reader has asked me to set up the ability to have new posts sent to her email inbox.  I thought that made perfect sense – go to my reader instead of making the reader come to me!  I started to try to enable a widget to set up this functionality before I had my coffee on Sunday.  It was not my greatest success as I am hardly a tech whiz and before coffee, I tend to give up on that which might tax my brain!!  I tend to be less inclined to read directions and more inclined to just have at it and then contact my brother, the webmaster, when I have either really messed something up or am stymied.  Nevertheless, this blog can now send email updates.

I have to look at the good side or learning side of every situation so here are the lesson in it for me: always know when to ask for help and welcome help! Listen to the feedback of those whom you trust or believe in and decide what to do after processing the comments.  The people around you will help you learn.  I will also add, make it easy on your readers.  In my line of work, I always try to make things easy on my clients, if in my control; thus, hopefully email updates will be helpful to anyone who visits this blog.  Email addresses will not be used for any purpose other than an email notification to inform you of a new post.   Thank you for reading!

Filed Under: Believe, blog, experience, Go with the flow, help, Inspiration, Life Lessons, Listening, success, thepageofaquarius, welcome, widget Tagged With: , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
May 8, 2013

A Little Serving of Perspective

What I find most interesting about connecting with someone new, is what they bring to the table.  I believe people come into our lives for a reason.  Sometimes they stay, sometimes they go. As I reflect on different experiences, I can identify people who have had the most impact on me, good or bad.  I tend to observe and listen because it is easy to understand a person’s strengths, fears, weaknesses, interests, values in just a brief conversation.  The words a person speaks and the energy they give off can be very telling and informative.  I also find one’s eyes speak volumes – look into someone’s eyes when speaking and you will be surprised what you learn.  It can help you get to know someone even if it means run for the hills!  I actually find it interesting when someone says, “How did you know that about me?”

The thing driving my thoughts are the words shared with me last night (and I paraphrase), “Impulsive is a good thing.  Life is too short.”  The person who said this to me has a fascinating joie de vivre and approach to life that shows experience, charisma and knowledge. I have been observing and learning. I find myself quite curious given people around you are supposed to be your mirrors.  I am interested to see what else I will learn and what new things I will see in myself and those around me.

I have had “life is too short” on my mind all day today. It was bubbling on the back burner of my brain along the lines of, “If I got hit by a bus today, the best thing that happened was the lunch I made.”  Ok, that is an extreme exaggeration but I had a serving of perspective today.  Life is too short makes me think of something I wrote previously about taking a leap of faith. It is more likely to go well than not. (The person who said life is too short gives very little thought to a leap of faith, it is just second nature…because life is too short).  This also makes me think of people with whom I no longer have contact.  When someone in your life makes you feel like you are constantly pushing a ton of bricks uphill in a wheelbarrow, it is refreshing to leave the person and the wheelbarrow at the bottom of the hill.  What is the point of doing something that is too much effort and involves minimal reward, happiness, fun? How is that a good use of time or energy?  I try to show my appreciation for others and enjoy myself wherever I am or whatever I am doing..within reason!  Sometimes I have to check myself and shift my thoughts.

I feel like I am bouncing around and am unsure how to wrap us this post.  I will just do it abruptly.  Think about what you are doing today.  Is there something you would look back on (if you were hypothetically hit by a bus), and say, “Life was short, why did I do it that way or why did I say that way or why did I do or say nothing at all?”  A simple mindset change can set a new course or open up new opportunity.  

 

Filed Under: Connection, Life Lessons, Listening, thepageofaquarius Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
«Previous Page