Self-Doubt Chirping

Working past self doubt is a challenge.  I have this plan for a new blog.  I will be running two, actually.  You are reading my skirt and high heels blog (in need of a make over).  My new blog will be my running shoes and kick up my feet blog.  I am working on a plan to invest money into the appearance and the design of both of my creations versus my usual method of throw the spaghetti up on the wall.  I guess it could be called an investment in my future in spite of the little voice in my head saying, “the future of what?”  Thank you Self-Doubt for chiming in and trying to squish my idea, is all I have to say about that.  This is one of those things that came to me and I felt like running with it; yet Self-Doubt chirps away.

Someone recently observed I fear things and I probably have no idea what it is I am afraid of.  I found that to be a fair assessment as the unknown is a source of fear for me and something about the unknown rattles my confidence.  I have no idea what the unknown holds and that is my own obstacle.  Who cares what the unknown holds?  I am reminding myself to shape the unknown as I want it to be and to allow changes and shifts as things reveal themselves.  I have to remind myself to just take a little leap of faith every now and then, as there is really nothing to lose in pursuing an idea.   I need to focus on what I want to do now and how I want the “now” to unfold.  Self-Doubt needs a mute button.

Taking an idea and allowing it to come to fruition can be a revealing way to let others see your point of view or perspective and to hear your voice (literally or figuratively).  You may learn something new about yourself and others may learn something new about you.  In my case, Self-Doubt can be an annoyance and an idea stopper.   Self-Doubt feeds fear…or does fear feed Self-Doubt?  Chicken or the egg?  Needless to say, the combination can be the source of self imposed obstacles that can stop creativity or progress in its tracks, if allowed.  I suppose it is  natural to hear the chirping of Self-Doubt in any venture or process and it is a lesson in will, I think.  Mute Self-Doubt and carry on.

Sparking Inspiration

Inspiration is a funny thing.  It comes in different ways, at different times.  Understanding what inspires a person can be very informative and very telling when talking about business, ideas or plans. I often find myself asking, ‘What is your motivation behind (fill in the blank)” and perhaps a better question would be, “What inspires you to (fill in the blank).”  The response usually leads to an interesting conversation or more questions whether I am talking to a stranger, a friend or my dog’s veterinarian.

My inspiration to write usually ramps up when I feel unsettled. This is the norm when I end up posting something on this blog.  I get this jittery feeling as if I had too much coffee and when that sets in, my brains starts working and I open a blank page and start typing.  A jittery feeling is my motivation to write in some cases – sounds odd.  It is a word or an experience that takes me down a path of different thoughts and ideas to inspire me.  It is some sort of cause and effect that I will have to ponder at another time.  I suppose inspiration can be multifaceted and when it strikes you, you can either go with it or ignore it.  I find when I ignore things they eventually surface again and demand attention. When inspiration strikes and timing is conducive, sometimes it is better focus and go with the flow.  Last year, I was inspired to start painting again to open my creative side.  I ended up painting birthday cards and learned to work with paints again.

Inspiration also makes me think of time.  When struck by inspiration, the final outcome or the end result may take a few minutes, days or months.  There are times of inspiration with a speedy outcome such as finding a job posting online and submitting your resume.  When inspired to change direction in your career it may be a process or you may need to employ patience to get to the starting point you desire.  I call out a starting point because some inspiration spurns change requiring a foundation to get to arrive at your beginning.  A doctor needs to complete the educational requirements to start a career healing others. I needed paints and a tablet of paper for my creative inspiration.  What foundation do you need in place act on your inspiration? A foundation may be knowledge, training, experience, collateral, funding or self confidence to get started.  

How does one find inspiration?  Hard to say what works for any one person, though sometimes it is by pure chance.  It may come upon you while you are doing something you enjoy.  It may strike when you are watching TV or reading or eating a slice of pizza.  I tend to think inspiration comes when one is open to receive or willing to listen to a gut or intuitive feeling.  Inspiration may also come if you go looking for it.  What if you have trouble finding a source of inspiration?  I generally find talking others can help, like asking for directions; though the best sources are often the people with the best intuition in my experience (see my post about choosing your team here).  In fact, in situations when friends consult me, I just follow my intuition to help or assist in whatever way I can.  It tends to end up in an interesting conversation to spark at least a moment of inspiration to get things moving.  Today I sent an email to a friend with my point of view on an aspect of the launch of her new business and it somehow lead me to this post.  Perhaps I found my inspiration in that email and she just got spammed by me.




Just Throw The Spaghetti Up On The Wall

I think about having a blog and how uncomfortable it is for me.  The discomfort I feel has been following me around like a stray dog of late.  For the non-exhibitionists out there, for me, a blog is akin to standing under a spotlight, on a stage, naked.  I guess that sounds a little weird; however, I find a blog to be quite revealing.  It is really out of the ordinary for me to “publicize” my point of view about anything.  I am quite reserved in sharing my feelings or in developing connections with others.  I keep most things within my small circle of friends.  Many times in my life I have heard, “I have no idea how to read you” as I am admittedly selective about who I confide in or  with whom I share my point of view.   A blog is a weird dichotomy for me as I like to keep to myself; yet I am posting thoughts and reactions on the internet.  Newsflash: there is nothing private about the internet, so what am I doing?  I have yet to admit I have a blog to my closest friends as I am really self conscious about it.  It is a blog not some government secret but I guess it feels quite personal.   It is all rather contradictory, I do admit.  I believe everyone has a point of view and sharing with others can have many benefits whether through writing, art, music, cooking, building, photography – whatever the preferred outlet.  At the same time, it makes me uncomfortable to put my point of view out there as I worry about sounding silly.  The creative side of me enjoys writing among other things.  The pragmatic side of me wonders if I sound ridiculous and how often I have used a semi-colon improperly.  

I decided to start my blog at the advice of my brother and one of my friends. Both have encouraged me to just start writing and “get over” the details.  Just throw the spaghetti up on the wall and see what sticks?  I thought it necessary to start out with a brilliant idea and a perfect logo and color scheme.  At some point, I realized focusing on details was my way of practicing avoidance.  If I do not have a clever name or the right layout or an amazing logo, how can I start a blog?  It reminds me of freshman year in high school, sitting on the varsity bench, hoping I was invisible to my coach.  How could I play in a varsity game if I was only freshman with so little varsity playing time.  I thought there was a chance he did not see me sitting at the end of the bench.  And to my horror, as if my coach was reading my mind, he would send me to the scorers table to check in to get in the game. #55 on the floor.

There is nothing fancy about my blog. I just start writing when I have something following me around that I would like to get off my mind.  I am a poor proof reader.  I usually write late at night and am hardly an eagle eye at hours when I would be better off sleeping.  In fact, I often go back days later and find myself correcting mistakes – that is the pragmatic side of me.  The side of me that finds grammatical errors and typos embarrassing and sub par.  For some a blog may be liberating or  of little consequence.  For some it is source of income and a way to connect with others.  I am just trying to figure it all out right now.  My discomfort is probably more my insecurity about what someone reading this might think or fear of sounding ridiculous if the people who know me read this.   I try to just go with the flow even if human nature keeping tapping me on the shoulder.  Insecurities happen.  Fear happens.  It is comes down to doing things to build up confidence to erase insecurity and fear.  It probably means I would be better off admitting my blog “secret” to my friends, then perhaps it would be no big deal…and someone would volunteer to be my proof reader/editor.