January 17, 2014

Just A Phase

I was talking to a colleague today about her hectic work schedule, her 5 kids, her lack of sleep and she said, “I just tell myself this is a phase of my life, like a season. I am going to enjoy it because the next phase will be very different.”  I told her when I need advice I will be calling her because I found her words to be very wise.  Every morning this week I have opened my eyes and the first thought has been, “Is this really my life?  Do I have to do this again today?”  Well as it happens, you find your answers in unexpected ways – in my case while talking to a colleague.  This is not my life, this is just a phase of my life albeit a consuming phase.  A time in which I am working crazy hours and feel like I am living and breathing work.  It is the phases of life that help build a fulfilling life.

I feel like in some ways I see changes in my life and in other ways I am just hovering in the same general vicinity.  I am trying to better manage my workload and my work schedule and I am finding that to be challenging.  That is kind of the same.  As I reflect on 2013 and think about the last few weeks, I am seeing more of the same at work in this new year. Hovering. We had a reorg and I have new boss.  It is really more of the same because nothing has really changed in my day to day. Change – sort of. I think I expected a reorg to bring a new and different angle but no matter how many reorgs come to my organization, we see more of the same. Ironically, I am really learning a lot through this hectic period at work.  And it is actually all okay, it just helps me understand why I wake up with the thoughts of, “This is my life?”  Other things around me are transforming, my friends for example.  Some of my friends have children and I hear from them less than in the past.  Unless they can get time free, away from family activities, time to visit can be difficult to schedule.  I am good with that because life evolves and it enjoyable to watch friends grow into motherhood.  I was talking to one of my friends today and we were discussing someone we know in common.  I said, “I just let people go at some point.  I get tired of people who take, take, take and bring emotional drama to the table and nothing else.  It is easier to just let those people go live in their drama.”  The person in question gloms on when she needs something or is having a teenage drama moment and is scarce until she needs something again. My friend agreed and said, “Wow that is a really good way to put it.”  My friendships are important to me and I am a very loyal person; however, sometimes it is just better to untie and set sail in another direction. Ironically, after that conversation, I ran into a new friend of mine in the grocery and was reminded there are always opportunities to make new friends.  Friendships change, people change, and new people come into your life to change things up.  New friends are a great change.

If life is about phases then I suppose we cannot always control when one phase ends and another begins.  If the phases help you build the life you want, there may be lessons to learn or experiences to go through before a phase can end.  You may have to wait for the right timing for the new phase to begin.  Further, if you try to force your way out of a phase, you may find yourself taking a wrong turn or you may find yourself hitting a wall.  One of my friends left my company a few years ago because he felt he could do better elsewhere.  3 years later, every time I hear from him, he wishes he had never left because leave may have been a change he should have waited to make versus jumping ship hastily.  As I think about phases, it is important to always take steps and go in new directions.  You may encounter new things instantly, you may have to demonstrate patience and hover for awhile.  I think of it like a garden and waiting for seedlings to sprout from the earth.  It never happens overnight.  It takes time and work to plant the seeds, nurture the seeds and patience to see the fruits of your labor.  I suppose it is entirely possible while hovering at a point in life, we are actually nurturing the seedlings.  It seems reasonable to expect everything will come to full bloom in the next phase.  There may also be instances when it is necessary to look back to see the meaning of each phase of your life…which reminds me of a quote (no idea who said it), “Sometimes you have to look back to see what lies ahead.”  As you live your life, there may be things that are hard to decipher or make sense of, but in time, when you look at where you are and where you have been, it all may make perfect sense, as clear as the bright blue sky.  

Thank you for reading this blog!

 

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January 6, 2014

Wake Up And Change

Back to reality.  Ok well maybe not reality, maybe just a full 5 day work week.  I am trying to prevent my brain from remembering the regular chaos of my usual work day and instead focus on how nice the last few weeks have been.  My schedule has been so flexible and I have gotten so much done with all of my free time. Vacation and sleep are awesome.  I woke up every day with that thought – sleep is awesome. On a non-vacation day, I find myself moving at a zillion miles an hour while cramming more into my awake hours than I should while sacrificing sleep hours.  Between work and taking care of things non-work related in my life, if I slow down, I tend to THINK I am being lazy and/or unproductive.  When in reality, I usually need more rest than I allow myself – how silly is that?  My norm of 6-hours of sleep is really sub par.

As I sit here still in a mode of relaxation after two stress free weeks, I can see the forest from the trees.  I am hardly a lazy person yet I will push myself out of bed every day because I “have to get moving!” I have tried to get away from that for the last few weeks by staying in bed till 9:30am or 10:00am – something I have not done regularly since college. Usually I feel like I am going to miss out on the day or will never accomplish what I feel I need to do in the time I have.  However, today, I got out of bed at 9:30am and did everything I had planned to do and have plenty of free time tonight.  I follow @sandikrakowski on Twitter and Instagram and something she posted today (slightly edited by me) resonated with me:

“REST- it’s a spiritual principle that so many people forget or misunderstand…Rest is emotional, physical and spiritual. It’s when we purposefully lay aside things so we can be renewed, elevated and given strength…It is not on laziness. To push ourselves and feel false guilt when we should rest is an evil spirit…Rest will set you apart. It dissolves anxiety and all negativity trying to infect your life…Rest then solidifies the growth…take time to just BE.” Sandi Krakowski

I am very guilty of hardly spending time to just BE – partially because my brain never rests, partially because I put guilt on myself, partially due to the corporate culture I work in.  I definitely allow my frenetic work environment spill over into my free time and that is less than ideal for many reasons.  I know I am not a lazy person and yet I often resist the opportunity to rest, unless I am forced by illness or exhaustion.  There is always something that needs to be done.  Must plow through.  Must do as much as possible.  My work schedule is so rigid, people in my company are constantly working all hours of the night, and I definitely get caught up in a mentality that hardly promotes rest. I am sure many people are this way.  Many people get wound up in the rat race and get swept away by the lunacy that can be a corporate environment. That said, I do what I have to do because I love my paycheck.  Stress, exhaustion, pressure to an extreme hardly benefit the emotional, physical and spiritual self.  I do feel a moderate amount of stress and pressure drive the motivation for success; however, when you feel like a doormat at the end of every week, it is too much and something needs to change.  I think the biggest issue I have is setting boundaries.  My parents and my friends have been telling me for years I work too much and need to set boundaries with my job.  I finally agree.  I tend to think corporate culture today wrings the life out of its people for margins and investors. There are no boundaries – I have had conference calls as late as 11:30pm for the almighty dollar…which might make sense if I were earning millions of dollars…but nah.  Welcome to Capitalism?  Or is the corporate culture just outdated and very disjointed?

What to do with this?  Well I guess I will look at the year ahead and work to keep myself in check.  Know when to lose my Blackberry.  Know when to take a day off and learn to better prioritize my free time…or something.  I have to keep these thoughts top of mind as this needs to become part of my daily practice.  Some may say this is New Year’s resolution.  For me this is an unplanned realization as a result of stepping away from the day to day.  It is time to change things up, set boundaries and change my thought processes about the obligations I place upon myself.

Thank you for reading this blog!

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May 8, 2013

A Little Serving of Perspective

What I find most interesting about connecting with someone new, is what they bring to the table.  I believe people come into our lives for a reason.  Sometimes they stay, sometimes they go. As I reflect on different experiences, I can identify people who have had the most impact on me, good or bad.  I tend to observe and listen because it is easy to understand a person’s strengths, fears, weaknesses, interests, values in just a brief conversation.  The words a person speaks and the energy they give off can be very telling and informative.  I also find one’s eyes speak volumes – look into someone’s eyes when speaking and you will be surprised what you learn.  It can help you get to know someone even if it means run for the hills!  I actually find it interesting when someone says, “How did you know that about me?”

The thing driving my thoughts are the words shared with me last night (and I paraphrase), “Impulsive is a good thing.  Life is too short.”  The person who said this to me has a fascinating joie de vivre and approach to life that shows experience, charisma and knowledge. I have been observing and learning. I find myself quite curious given people around you are supposed to be your mirrors.  I am interested to see what else I will learn and what new things I will see in myself and those around me.

I have had “life is too short” on my mind all day today. It was bubbling on the back burner of my brain along the lines of, “If I got hit by a bus today, the best thing that happened was the lunch I made.”  Ok, that is an extreme exaggeration but I had a serving of perspective today.  Life is too short makes me think of something I wrote previously about taking a leap of faith. It is more likely to go well than not. (The person who said life is too short gives very little thought to a leap of faith, it is just second nature…because life is too short).  This also makes me think of people with whom I no longer have contact.  When someone in your life makes you feel like you are constantly pushing a ton of bricks uphill in a wheelbarrow, it is refreshing to leave the person and the wheelbarrow at the bottom of the hill.  What is the point of doing something that is too much effort and involves minimal reward, happiness, fun? How is that a good use of time or energy?  I try to show my appreciation for others and enjoy myself wherever I am or whatever I am doing..within reason!  Sometimes I have to check myself and shift my thoughts.

I feel like I am bouncing around and am unsure how to wrap us this post.  I will just do it abruptly.  Think about what you are doing today.  Is there something you would look back on (if you were hypothetically hit by a bus), and say, “Life was short, why did I do it that way or why did I say that way or why did I do or say nothing at all?”  A simple mindset change can set a new course or open up new opportunity.  

 

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