Why Does Fear Bubble Up

Fear.  It is an obstacle, a clog in the drain, the thing you run into like a brick wall and it sets you back.  I was sitting here with the inclination to type and figured I had writer’s block; though in reality the topic on my mind was fear.  The fear of the unknown and things that have yet to transpire. Things that may never transpire or things that may transpire in ways I never imagined for that matter. I guess I did not really want to write about fear because I do not know what to do with it. I do not really understand the source of it when I am just doing mundane things like folding laundry.  Why does it creep up on me when I think about things to come? All of the things I fear without reason to fear.  Someone said to me recently, “You have all these fears and you have no idea what you are afraid of.”   It was one of those ah ha moments because it is true.  My fears have nothing to do with “knowns” like the dark, heights, critters or scary movies.  Any fears I have are purely about me. What will happen to me?  Where will I end up?  What will I become?  What if I am stuck in the same job for the rest of my life? I fear the unknown and I have no idea why. I fear what I do not know. I fear not doing the right thing.  I fear missing the proverbial boat.  It is like waiting in a hallway worrying about what is going to come around the corner or like waiting to go out on stage without any idea of how the audience will react. I am not sure what else to say about that other than I fear things that are intangible.

I wish I knew how to find the magic button to push to clear fears out of the way.  I clearly lack the magical insight to understand why fears pop up out of the blue.  Perhaps it is just a case of letting the mind wander too far? Perhaps it is caused by feelings of uncertainty?  At this moment it is likely futile to try to figure out the answer.  I feel it is an answer much bigger than a few sentences on the computer screen.  I try to do things every day that will change my course a little bit or as much as I can.  Maybe that is what causes fear to creep up.  Pushing the boundaries of the comfort zone causes discomfort. Does that mean if you break the boundaries, all fear dissipates?  Since I fear things that are intangible, do I really need to do something to scare the you-know-what out of myself?  I feel this is something I have to work on and something I need to figure out, because I frankly find it annoying to carry this around with me.  I do not always have all of the answers and sometimes it takes time for the answers to appear.  It is challenging being human sometimes, that is for sure, especially when you cannot decipher your own behaviors.  Maybe I have to go back to what caused me to fear the unknown or perhaps if I sit here writing long enough, the answer will come to me.   I hope I can figure it out.

 

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